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Thank you for admitting me to your group. I am sure it will prove most valuable for me.

It will take me a while of reading before I am ready to post on it.

Of course I am glad that you do not allow people to email each other without permission. Problem is, what ever you might do about it is after the fact. I had some bad experiences on boards inspired by the 12 step groups. People do give uninvited PMs and Emails. They are horrible.

I believe that much of the time, when people make critical comments about what their parents did, there is a tendency to dismiss it. But remember, the other party would not be making the comment unless there was something behind it. Problem is, they don't really yet have perspective and clarity to communicate it well. So it sounds trivial. But really, an enlighted witness will know that it never is. I know this thanks to Alice Miller.

I have read Alice Miller for over 15 years. I find her to be right on the mark. Thing is, people are just not ready to deal with what she has to say.

I make some rhetorical questions and comments here:

How does one go on, when they start to see the truth? How does one construct a new public identity, given that one sees something other people do not see?

It does seem that normative social identity is predicated on denial. It also seems that this comes from adolescence. To have a normative adolescence it is necessary to bond with age peers in rituals which are predicated on denial, and are also the bases of social gender. Then having done this, one will come to resemble one's parents.

So, was I treated worse than people who don't have such issues? Or was I treated better, because I am still whole enough to see it? Hard to say.

I know that when it comes to things like alcohol, the one who keeps insisting that you have to have a drink, is the one who has a drinking problem.

I believe it also true that the one who says you have to stay in denial, is the one who is the most in denial.

But how does one come out of denial, without being marginalized, without becoming an object of hatred, even a human sacrifice?

So much of religion and media seems designed to futher denial. Good art is not this way. In a kind of covert way, it speaks the truth. But it is still aprobation. Maybe aprobation is the best that can be done.

I want a lawyer. I want to sue. I know this is uncharted legal territory, but I want to try.

I want:

1. To try and sue for damages. This may amount to sueing to not be disinherited.

2. Have the standard kind of prelegal arm twisting occur first. Try to get an out of court settlement by pushing at the weak spots. Real forgiveness does require attempting to obtain restitution and attempting to stop futher damage of the same type.

3. Obtain some sort of enlighted mediation.

4. Have legal intervention because my mother is dying. She is being killed by her long term marriage to my idiotic father. She is nearly an invalid and nearly crazy at this point. My father would do that to anyone.

I know this is uncharted territory. So I want to talk to those lawyers, plantiffs, and activists who are making what headway can be made.

I have lost a marriage and my finances and career. I need to rebuild life from the beginning, or I will die in the gutter. But I need to do it based on the truth.

Thanks for listening, don't feel oblidged to comment.